Get Off the Train
It’s hard to believe that Linda and I have been married for over 22 years! Boy…is she a patient woman! When we first got married, she put up with a guy who was divorced for 17 years, set in his bachelor ways, and also a workaholic real estate agent. Plus, in October, I became an obsessed deer hunter…making her a “deer hunting widow.”
I don’t mind sharing that in those first few years, we had more than a few “discussions” about my fall obsession. Especially how in my fervor to get to the deer stand before dawn, my Bible would remain unopened and untouched for days. Yes…for real! Sure…I had some great prayer times in a tall tree…but that’s different than God’s desire, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you,” (Matthew 6:33). I should have been seeking Him first. Maybe that explains why the big bucks most often eluded me!
In one of our rare verbal exercises in sharing our differing opinions, our voices began to gain volume in an unhealthy intensity. And like a train gaining speed and momentum, our tempers quickly flared up. Finally, sensing the need to calm things down, I said, “Let’s get off the train.” This has since become one of our relational “code words.”
When things start heating up (which honestly, is very rarely) making this statement helps us both realize we need to calm down and postpone the conversation until later after we’ve taken time to pray and consider the issue. We can then logically and unemotionally address it. And by doing this, most times, the issue becomes a non-issue!
In marriage, when a disagreement begins to brew like an approaching tornado, this usually is the time when the enemy seeks to step in to cause relational damage. When this begins to happen, it is imperative to “get off the train,” go to prayer to rebuke the enemy, and claim God’s peace. Because when emotions begin to flare, the enemy can tempt us to say harmful things that are impossible to “unsay.” Hurtful words said in anger unfortunately have a long shelf life!
That’s why, in the heat of the moment, the smartest thing to do is not throw more gasoline on the fire. Instead, follow the wisdom of Proverbs 15:1 that says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Tell your wife you love her and that you should discuss this later when you can be calm and logical another time.
So, it is important to understand that arguments do not need to go down the path to a disastrous train wreck. Instead, you have the power, sound mind, and ability to get off the train!
