Top 20 Tips for “Your Refreshed Marriage” #11-15
It was March and Jim was already dreading the next few weeks. Tax season was bearing down hard this year. Clients were calling constantly about the tax code changes and his schedule seemed almost unbearable. This was always a tough time for an Accountant.
He noticed his wife, Carol, grew more and more withdrawn. His routine was work from 7 am until 7 or 8 pm, quickly consume Karen’s carefully prepared meal, and then slump on the couch in front of the television until he laid his head on the pillow, instantly asleep.
Something needed to change. But how? He was too exhausted to do anything with work piling up daily? Then he had an idea.
“Carol,” he smiled when returning home the next day. “Yes,” she replied quietly.
‘If it’s OK with you,’ Jim continued, “I booked a 3 night stay at your favorite Bed & Breakfast this weekend. I remembered that “time” is your love language and we certainly haven’t had much of that lately. Are you up for changing that this weekend?”
Carol grinned, eyes glistening. “I knew if I was patient and quietly waited you would figure it out. I’ll start packing now!”
If you’ve missed the first 10 Tips, find them at www.yourrefreshedlife.com/blog. Here are #11-15:
11. Know Your Spouse’s “Love Language”
If you haven’t read Gary Chapman’s book, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” you are in for a treat. Apparently there are Five Ways we receive love. After identifying the way each of us does so, the way to best show love to your friend, spouse, or child is to act according to their love language. Go to www.yourrefreshedlife.com and buy the book today. You’ll be glad you did!
12. Show Affection
Whether your Love Language is “touch” or not, showing affection is imperative to a healthy and happy marriage. Statistics show that each day should contain at least a 2-minute hug and 30-second kiss.
13. Continue Contact Throughout the Day
Thankfully, social media does have it benefits. Whether a quick smiley face emoji or the simply message, “I’m praying for you!,” send an encouraging note or make a quick phone call during the day to show you love and are thinking about your spouse.
14. Watch Your Tone of Voice
Pay attention to how you communicate with your spouse. Sometimes it’s not as much what you say, as how you say it. Sarcasm? Disapproval? Chastising? Patronizing? You can say the nicest thing with the wrong tone of voice, and your spouse hears nothing but the tone. Be aware of subtle ways you may be undermining your relationship. If you’re not sure, ask your wife or husband if they ever feel your tone of voice communicates a negative message. I’m sure they will gladly discuss this with you. Then it won’t be a subtle deterrent in your relationship.
15. Get Help Early and If Possible, Routinely
What a gift that there are individuals trained to help us with our relationships! One study reports that the average couple waits 6 years after their relationship has problems, to seek help. Don’t wait until it’s too late. As soon as you recognize a “red flag” that something is wrong in your relationship (if you both can’t identify the problem together or keep rehashing the same problem without a solution), seek out a professional. Chances are this problem is affecting numerous areas in your life and finding resolution will bring you great relief.
One study at the University of Rochester, NY adds that watching movies about relationships together and then discussing them can actually be as effective in reducing divorce rates, as learning about conflict management and compassion. Films that deal with universal couple conflicts provide an excuse to talk about the issues and can reduce the amount of paid marriage therapy time.
Finally when professional help causes things to improve, go in for a regular “tune up” to be sure your relationship remains on the right track. If we “tune up” our cars regularly, to keep them running smoothly, why don’t we do the same for our marriages? Consider marriage retreats, conferences and seminars as a fun and interesting “tune up.”
Learn the last five of “20 Tips for Your Refreshed Marriage” next week!
