Healthy Relationship Hack #6 – No More Trailers

Years ago, Linda and I discovered we were sinking into a subtle but potentially harmful pattern in our communication style. We noticed we were adding subtle negative comments to the end of a positive statement. Though a tractor trailer is designed to haul trailers behind it, our conversation did not need these harmful add-ons!

I recall one specific instance where I said to Linda, “I love you but….” After making a comment that anyone would appreciate hearing, I had unconsciously added a negative comment much like a trailer. Linda wisely countered my comment by saying, “You do realize everything you added after “but” eliminated the positive statement at the beginning, don’t you?” That really stopped me in my tracks. I quickly admitted that she was correct and asked her forgiveness for this, and out of this potential problem we developed another one of our successful relationship hacks—NO MORE TRAILERS.

One of the reasons Linda and I have such a good relationship is that we do not let the “little stuff” become “big stuff.”  In the Bible Peter tells us, “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (I Peter 5:8- If you don’t think the devil is real, simply watch the evil demonstrated in the evening news).

This enemy seizes these little comments, causing them to rot, rust, and mildew over time. We don’t think these small comments really hurt us, shoving them down deep into our hearts, but over time they develop into significant issues.

Psalms 141:13 AMP says that we should:

“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth;
Keep watch over the door of my lips [to keep me from speaking thoughtlessly].”

Going forward, we have worked hard not to add any trailers to comments. I can easily say, “Linda, I love you AND we need to talk about something.” This does not negate the positive statement, while it does mention an issue that we need to resolve. When you don’t positively handle issues in this way, what you are doing is “sniping”– shooting at someone from hiding. There is no way this can positively grow your love.

So, instead of adding a trailer or sniping, which includes adding additional comments under our breath in difficult moments, bring your issue out into the open. Choose a loving conversation. Resolve the issue so you can maintain a healthy communication style bringing warmth, companionship, and security into every relationship.