Stop Limping Around: Finding Freedom Through Forgiveness
Walking around with a pebble in your shoe can be mighty uncomfortable…but it is something we can put up with for a while. But my question to you is, “Why put up with something that you can easily fix?”
So, what does a stone in my shoe have to do with reconciliation? Actually, quite a lot. Both are uncomfortably irritating situations. Both are things you can live with. And both… in most cases… can be resolved. It just takes intentionality. And sometimes a little time.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are choices we need to decide on, make, and not wait “till we feel like it.” If we wait on feelings, we may never be free of that discomfort. And if we continue living with it, we’re the ones who suffer. We’re the ones whose hearts grow cold as they fill with bitterness and resentment that just sours us. There’s a saying that is so appropriate here, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping someone else will die.”
May I share five reasons forgiveness is worth the process?
- God tells us to forgive others. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col 3:13) He doesn’t force us to forgive or reconcile. But I can promise your life will be more peaceful if you simply obey God and resolve relational issues between friends, family members, and co-workers. If you don’t forgive, you’re the one who truly suffers and misses out on a lot in life.
- Find personal freedom. All the stored up anger, hurt, and bitterness just makes your heart incapable of experiencing joy, peace…and love. So, it’s your choice—either stay bitter or get better. Sadly, I had an older sister who chose bitter over better and drank herself to death. Don’t let that happen to you.
- Remove the distraction and find focus. Sometimes when we have angst and distance in our relationships we fret and fume wondering why the other person doesn’t straighten things out between us. This can become like Gollum in the Lord of the Rings with “his precious” that he cherished more than anything or anyone else. It was his obsession and warped everything about him from his thoughts to his outward looks and behavior.
When we solidify unforgiveness in our hearts, we focus so much on the hurt or wrong done to us, whether real or imagined, that we transform into something God never designed us to be. And also, without knowing the other side of the story, we deny that whoever hurt us may be exhibiting issues that caused them to act as they did, causing this drama. - Understand their perspective. Displaying grace and trying to see things from their side, brings true freedom. I know this from personal experience as a result of my path to reconciliation with someone. This process of attempting to “see beyond the mask” helped me better understand where this person was coming from and what experiences caused them to act as they did.
Two verses that help me deal with difficult relational situations and find freedom from emotional bondage are Romans 12:18 NIV “As much as it is possible, be at peace with all men, “ and Philippians 3:13 NIV “Forgetting what is behind I press on for the prize…”. These verses are both convicting and clear. - Regain clarity. Lastly, if God has forgiven me and sent Jesus to die on the cross to reconcile me to Him, who are we not to seek to reconcile with others?
But, what if the person you are at odds with is dead or won’t communicate? In either case, you can have an imaginary conversation where you clear the air with the other person, forgive them, and then ask forgiveness for however you may have hurt them. God has heard the conversation whether the other person did or not. Believe it or not, this works and brings true freedom.
So, though relationships with difficult people are simply a reality in our lives, and we will get hurt, we have a choice. We can remain in bondage to the unforgiveness, pain, and trauma we’ve experienced, or find true freedom in the forgiveness and hopefully reconciliation possible only in Jesus Christ.
Let’s choose freedom today!
