3 Reasons to Learn to Say “No”
It’s really one of the hardest things to do, isn’t it? Saying “No” to someone you care about or something you’d like to do when there simply isn’t time. Busyness seems to be the great America pastime. We define ourselves by the amount of activity we generate and feel publicly respected when we can recount a myriad of things we are involved in.
Yet, God is unimpressed. Why do I know? Let me tell you my story.
As a busy Mom, I found myself working from morning until night with the demands of children’s school requests, work as a writer and speaker, organizational events, and meetings. I was worn and weary but unable to say “No” to any request for help or assistance. I didn’t want to let anyone down. I wanted people to like me.
Then soon after my third child was born, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Disease. I remember crying for hours if not days, believing I would not live to see my children grow up and finally felt God saying, “Stop everything and let me reorder your life.” I obeyed and cancelled everything I was committed to do outside of caring for my family and new baby. These are the three things I learned:
- God created us with very specific plans for our life. In Ephesians 2:10, we read one of my favorite verses, “For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].”
Anything we agree to do that is not initiated and implemented by the power of Jesus’ Holy Spirit and within His plan for our lives is wasted energy. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing”( John 15:5).
- When we take on responsibilities God never intended for us, we are robbing someone else of being in God’s will for their lives. I used to do everything in the church from playing the piano, leading the choir, teaching church classes, running Vacation Bible School…things I later called “great things for God.” But then I visited a church where the pastor’s sermon explained that when you are outside the will of God, you may be robbing someone else of being in His will. It never crossed my mind that by doing these things God did not necessarily initiate, I was robbing the Body of Christ of their opportunity to use the gifts, skills, and abilities God gave them to fulfill His will in their lives.
When I stopped everything as God told me, suddenly others came to me asking when I would be doing these things again. Instead of answering them, I would ask them to pray and ask God if He wanted them to do each task. It was absolutely amazing how gifted these individuals were who had not used their gifts because I unknowingly took their places.
For example, one woman was a concert pianist who always wanted to play for the church services but felt it would offend me if she offered. She soon became the most wonderful church pianist when she replaced me in this role. Some of this process involves giving up the things we may know how to do but are not called to do at the present time.
- Our desire as a Christian is to fulfill God’s plans and purposes designed specifically for us so that at the end of this life we will hear the words…‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’(Matthew 25:21).
God showed me a Bible verse that changed my life! In Jesus’ prayer with His Father He said, “Father…I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do” (John 17:4). Do you know how many people Jesus never saw, never touched, never prayed with, never spoke to? I’m sure many were disappointed or even angry. Yet, at the end of His life, He had completed the work God the Father gave Him to do. I learned the important lesson about taking responsibilities to please others instead of God. Paul is very clear, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Galatians 1:10) It is my prayer that I can repeat Jesus’ words at the end of my life. I pray the same for you.
So how do we stop the busyness and learn the will of God for our lives? First, we take time to assess everything we’ve committed ourselves to do outside of the responsibilities of caring for our family. Then we look at the time that remains. Is there time to spend in fellowship with God every day? Are we seeking God’s direction first through spending time prayerfully reading His Word for direction? Has the Holy Spirit seemed to impress something we are to do on our hearts as we read His Word?
Now when I ask anyone to take on any responsibility, I ask them to pray for two weeks about committing to the task. I want to know if God used His Word to impress them that this is part of His will for their lives. I want to know He is leading them. And I assure them that if He is not, please tell me “No.” I don’t want them to be robbing someone else of being in God’s will for their lives if they are not called to fulfill this responsibility, role, or task.
After God took me through this process for about six months, I was later called into the doctor’s office. He explained with embarrassment that he had made a misdiagnosis- I did not have Hodgkin’s Disease. Don’t wait until God uses some trauma in your life to stop you so you will listen. Reassess your activities today! Doing this not only changed my life but the lives of so many others over the years. Try it. I promise God will honor your prayers and desire to fulfill His will. It will transform your life forever!
