Building Friendships in a Lonely World
After much prayer, I stepped out and did something new this month! I individually approached women who I met over the last years and asked if they would like to get together. I invited 10 women to join me for lunch at the lovely “Beyond the Garden” Tea Room at the back of a store called, The Mercantile at the Ridge in Chattanooga, TN.
I’m smiling because how many of you remember Tea Rooms? As a young girl growing up in Richmond, VA, my mother took me regularly to the Miller and Rhodes Tea Room for special times together…a blast from the past! “Beyond the Garden” is one of those lovely, feminine, warm, inviting tea rooms that draw women together.
The women I invited seemed to have much in common, most mentioning a desire to make new friends due to busyness, loneliness, or a life transition like retirement or a job change that left them without a friend group. We were all excited by the possible support and encouragement of new friends!
As I looked forward to this day, I started to think about friendship. We were created for relationship, first with God and then with each other. So, how can we all counteract the “loneliness epidemic” that plagues our culture, and make new friends?
Tips for Building Friendships
Here are some tips to make new friends and dispel loneliness:
- Be Intentional- my mother used to have a phrase I often remember and repeat, “To have a friend, you first need to be one.” It takes an intentional choice to reach out to others and build friendships. They rarely “just happen.” Prioritize making friends and decide you will spend the time necessary to develop a relationship with someone you’ve met or want to learn more about.
- Plan an Activity- The best way to begin a friendship is toshare an experience. Inviting someone to share coffee or lunch is a great, simple idea. Or is there a local watercolor class you’ve wanted to check out? Invite someone to join you. How about starting a simple cooking class in your home to share nutritional tips and new recipes? Either find something local to share with a friend or create your own activity and invite others to join you.
- Listen Attentively- When you meet another woman, listen attentively. What are her hopes, dreams, concerns, or needs? Do her interests seem to align with yours? Do you have something in common to build on? Pray and ask God if this is someone He is calling you to build a relationship with and ask Him how you might reach out?
- Transparency and Vulnerability- In our culture today, authenticity is the key to making friends. It requires transparency and vulnerability which feels risky. Yes, we’ve all been hurt sometime by a friendship that ended in betrayal or conflict. So, take your time building friendships. Get to know the person and grow in your ability to trust one another. Reveal your story over time and listen to theirs. You are looking for “Safe People” ( a great book by Drs. Cloud & Townsend I recommend) to avoid toxic relationships. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to get to know one another, choosing regular meetings, and sharing times together.
- Be Consistent- Demonstrating your care for someone takes time and consistency. Following up on promises made, showing up when you say you will, and checking in regularly to see how they are doing or how you can pray for them matters. A quick text or remembering something someone mentioned that might help your friend builds trust. In time a casual relationship can become a close friendship.
Did you know the Bible mentions the word “friend” or “friendship” more than 100 times? Friendship with God first and then others is an important part of life. Find friends you can support and encourage and who will do the same for you. As you step into fall, decide how to find the time to make and nurture friendships. You’ll be glad you did!
