The Power of a Two Chairs Conversation

Nothing is more destructive to a man’s emotional, mental, and relational life than the “father wound.” The father wound (the absence of a father in your life) can also cause men to make poor life choices. Most significantly, the father wound can cause a man to have trouble relating to Father God.

This absence can by physical abandonment by death, prison, or divorce. It can also be emotional abandonment by a father who, while physically present, is emotionally A.W.O.L. The damaging effects of absent fathers is proved by the reality that over three quarters of all violent crimes are committed by men.

While my father was an excellent financial provider, he was emotionally unavailable. I spent over 50 years of my life alternately chasing him for relationship or simply avoiding him to limit the pain of being around a father who was a stranger. The effects of the father wound on me were devastating, however, the greatest damage done was to cause me not to want anything to do with God the Father.

So, if your dad is gone, how do you make peace with your pain and move on? How do you find a way to relate to God the Father?

A year after my father died in 2016, I overheard a life-changing conversation. My wife was talking to a good friend who also lost her father. She shared with Linda how she went to her father’s grave and pictured her dad facing her in a chair. In this imaginary meeting, she spoke of all the feelings and emotions she never could explain to him during his lifetime. She was able to forgive her father. This brought her great peace and freedom and enabled her to move on with life.

So, one Saturday morning I went to our family real estate company when no one was there and sat in my father’s former office. I prayed for God to be present in this Two Chairs Conversation. I shared all my griefs, pains, and hurts that I felt my father had knowingly or unknowingly committed and I forgave him. I then asked his forgiveness for anything I had done to hurt him. God is not confined by time so He heard prayer as relates to the past, present, and the future. Closing in prayer, I left there feeling I had taken a crucial step forward in my healing process.

This “conversation” began a process enabling me to see how his own father’s abandoning his family had broken my father. That allowed me to extend more grace and understanding towards him.

To take practical steps to grow closer to my Heavenly Father, I started reading the Proverbs in the morning to learn wisdom from my Heavenly Father and reading the Psalms at night to feel His love for me.

Try this to begin healing from your own father wound and begin drawing closer to Father God.