Top 20 Tips for “Your Refreshed Marriage” #1-5
Reen and I walk hand-in-hand in the parking lot as we head to the theater for Date Night. He suddenly spins me around in a dance move until I am facing him, and gives me a kiss. We smile and continue walking.
The whole unexpected movement takes about a minute, but it’s those spontaneous moments that remind me how much Reen loves me and how much I love him.
This month we’re talking about relationships…and, of course, marriage to your best friend is the most important relationship second only to our relationship with our Creator God. But divorce rates prove few are finding fulfillment and joy in their marriage relationship. So this week and next, we’d like to offer the best tips we’ve found to refresh your marriage. This week we will explore the first five!
1. Be Grateful-
Saying “Thank you” and showing gratitude is so important as the years add up. It’s amazing how we can take each other for granted when actions become habit and routine. For example, when was the last time you thanked your spouse for washing and folding clothes, making a meal, working a long day at the office or grocery shopping? Take a moment each day to recognize and show appreciation for one thing your spouse does for you.
2. Accept Each Other-
“People who finally accept their mate for who and what they are, rather than seeing them as a do-it-yourself project, find the experience liberating- and are much more likely to have a happy and satisfying relationship for decades,” says Karl Pillemer,PhD, Cornell University gerontologist. Trying to make your partner change to meet your expectations is a waste of time. The result is frustration and ultimately resentfulness. Instead accept your spouse just as they are. You may support them in any changes they choose to initiate themselves or in changes you decide to make together (such as losing weight or adding daily exercise) but loving acceptance is the key to a happier marriage.
3. Share Responsibilities-
Age old gender-specific roles are replaced today in the home with the actions of joint partnership. Even the Bible teaches, “The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them…Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.” (I Peter 3:7- The Message). I know a husband who gladly vacuums carpets and scrubs toilets, insisting on relieving his wife of these chores. She dusts, straightens clutter as well as washes and folds laundry. She cooks while he washes dishes and loads the dishwasher after meals. They have arrived at an amiably shared partnership.
4. Save Money-
Statistics prove that money is one of the greatest sources of conflict in marriages and often leads to divorce. One report says, “Couples with no assets are 70% more likely to divorce than those with $10,000 in assets.” Work with a financial planner/counselor or third party to reach common goals, settle disagreements and take the emotion out of this highly charged issue.
5. Digitally Detach-
Don’t text and talk. When speaking with your spouse, give them your complete and total attention, intentionally maintaining eye contact. This small decision will bring abundant rewards as your spouse feels valued, listened to, and understood. My husband, Reen adds, “Turn your phone off on date nights to truly engage your spouse.”
Learn five more “Top 20 Tips for Your Refreshed Marriage” next week!
