5 Keys to Listening Well

It’s my birthday this week! I love birthdays! I enjoy celebrating them all month long. Why? Because for all of us, your birth is the beginning of your story. And each birthday marks the beginning of the next chapter of Your Refreshed Life.

It has been statistically proven that remembering someone’s birthday is one of the most meaningful things you can do in building relationship with another person. Interesting that Facebook provides, as a service, alerts to let you know the date of your friends’ birthdays.

Everyone loves birthdays, especially Americans. “Americans of all stripes like to celebrate the birthdays of loved ones, with nine in ten (89%) saying that it is ‘important.’ Others say that birthdays are becoming more important because they think about their own life and the special moments that people celebrated with them (43%), that it’s nice to slow down and celebrate with loved ones (41%), that with each passing year they grow closer to those close to them (41%), and because in a very digital world, they miss personal connections with people (22%). Celebrating birthdays is so popular among Americans that birthdays are second only to Christmas as the holiday that is their favorite to celebrate,” reports Ipsos Reid, Canada’s market intelligence leader and provider of public opinion.

So what better time to learn about and celebrate the story of a family member or friend than their birthday! We’ve shared the importance of YOUR story this month as a gift from God to touch the lives of others, but what about the stories of others. Do you care? Does it matter? How can you show someone you care?

The best way to begin is to listen to their story. How well do you listen to those around you? Do you listen with your heart so that beneath the facts and circumstances they describe, you hear the emotional response of their heart? They aren’t telling you their story just to pass the time. There is something in their story that they want you to know about themselves. It is your privilege that they’ve chosen to share a part of themselves with you. How can you show your appreciation for this very special gift?

Listen carefully. Don’t ask questions, pry, or quiz them. Simply listen.
After you have heard, try to share with them what you heard. If you did not understand their meaning clearly, this enables them to clarify. They will probably respond, “No, I didn’t mean that, I meant…”
After you are able to repeat what you heard accurately and they know you understand, ask a question, like, “How did that make you feel?” or ‘What lesson do you think you learned from that situation that you can use in the future?” This enables them to go deeper than the facts and details. They can share the implications this part of their story held for them personally in shaping who they are becoming.
Offer advice only if they ask for it. You might say. “I dealt with a similar issue once. Would you like to hear how it worked out…?” Give them permission to tell you “NO.”
Assure them that you care by promising to pray for them about the situation since there are probably aspects they are still trying to sort out and handle. Or if it seems appropriate, ask if they mind if you pray for them right then.

If you become a good listener, you will inevitably become a good friend. You become someone with whom they want to celebrate, especially on their birthday!

So this week I am celebrating with each of you, my dear friends. Thank you for allowing me to share my life and my story with you every week! Thank you for listening. I hope my story somehow encourages you as your story unfolds each day. I hope it draws you nearer in relationship with the God of the Universe who loves you more than I ever could, and who calls you His child when you believe! Happy Birthday Everyone who are so near and dear to my heart!