Seven Tips for Developing Your Family Culture

After dating seriously for some time, Reen could tell I was not sure I would consider marriage. Trust was difficult for me, and fear seemed my ever-present companion. I couldn’t imagine making that level of commitment to anyone at the time and was frankly skittish and afraid. I would constantly move forward and then pull back in the relationship.

Reen did something that changed our lives. Recognizing my fear, one day he said with conviction, “I promise you today and every day I will be good for you, good to you, and draw you nearer to the Lord Jesus. If I don’t, then run. Run away as fast as you can.” Said with complete sincerity, his words spoke deeply to my heart. Whenever I felt afraid and ready to run, I repeated these words and asked myself, “Has he kept his promise?” 

Over the period of a year, I asked myself that question numerous times and was forced to admit each time that yes, he kept his promise. He was good for me, good to me, and did draw me nearer to the Lord.

I now realize we created a family culture we’ve consistently relied on for twenty-years of marriage. When times get tough, we go back to that simple standard and ask ourselves if we are being good for and to each other and drawing each other closer to Jesus. We know we are on track when we say “Yes” each time.

We’ve discussed your personal mission, vision, and core values. How do these translate into a strong family culture? Have you actually developed a family culture without realizing it, as we did? Or maybe you still need to develop one.

One author explains that family values and culture help family members make decisions, guide their parenting, cultivate strong bonds of cohesiveness, diminish confusion, and build a strong moral compass in children. Strong core values build strong family culture.

Here are seven tips to consider as you develop your family culture:

1. Intentionally create a family identity.

My son did something with his family from their youngest age. At spontaneous moments, he would gather the family in a circle, and they would simultaneously declare their last name out loud together with a huge fist bump. It announced their identity as a tight-knit family and encouraged unanimous support for each other as a unit walking through life together.

2. Develop family rituals.

Family rituals and rules consistently reinforce what is important to the family. If you read the Gospel of Luke’s story of Jesus’ birth every Christmas morning, it reinforces that Christmas is about Jesus, instead of only presents and sweets. These rituals create memories for a lifetime.

3. Eat dinner together as often as possible.

Cindy Grosso Jordan, Owner of Charleston School of Protocol created an initiative she calls, “Set the Table Sunday,” encouraging families to sit down and share a meal together at least once a week. This seemingly lost art of connection and conversation represents a breakdown in the American family as members grow increasingly divided, dispersed, preoccupied, and disconnected. Jesus Himself demonstrated the importance of relationship nurtured by sharing a meal in the Last Supper, in preparing fish for the disciples on the beach, and in choosing to eat with the men on the road to Emmaus. The very way He broke bread at a meal revealed His identity, “When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized Him…” (Luke 24:30-31).

4. Create Moments of Enjoyment.

Communicating to your children that life is as much about celebration, joy, and laughter as it is about work proves essential in modeling and creating balance in your life and theirs.

5. Appreciate each other’s gifts, skills, interests, passions, and abilities.

Supporting the unique personal interests of each family member strengthens individuality and self-respect, preparing the child to go out feeling competent and capable to fulfill his or her unique purpose in the world.

6. Create environments for open discussion respecting each person’s opinion as a valuable contribution.

As the child of two very engaged and conversive parents, we discussed a host of subjects throughout every day. We often participated in unheated and respectful debate. This offered us as children not only differing perspectives on all aspects of life, but also the ability to think on our own. In depth communication incorporating active listening enabled us to form informed, independent decisions. We were taught our parent’s strongly held beliefs and why, but also realized others held differing ideas worth consideration and evaluation. We were taught to think for ourselves rather than merely follow the crowd… an invaluable lesson.

7. Prize integrity in everything.

Integrity and honesty are foundational values because they prepare a child to have strong moral values so important to a meaningful life. A person with integrity can be trusted and this is fundamental to any quality relationship. Without trust there is no security or stability. 

We hope these simple exercises help you develop Your Refreshed Life as we continue to pursue purpose and meaning in our lives. In a world of upheaval and change, purpose is fundamental to perseverance and joy in daily life. Let’s continue this exploration next week in identifying the gifts, skills, abilities and experiences that enable us, like Esther, to uniquely contribute to our world “for such a time as this.”

Please do not hesitate to contact us with any thoughts, questions, feelings, ideas, or suggestions. We love hearing from our readers! Your can reach us at info@yourrefreshedlife.com. Blessings!