7 Ways to Thrive in Pandemic Times

#2. Choose Positive Grief

Finally! Crisp, cool breezes touch our faces as we step outside for our daily morning walk. Reen smiles, “It’s cool!” The whisper of fall is in the air. My mind rejoices as I imagine red, orange and yellow leaves swaying on the trees, visualize yellow, orange and burgundy chrysanthemums perched on porch steps, and picture pumpkins atop hay bales at local markets. Fall…my favorite time of year.

Yet I quickly remember I cannot share these experiences with my son and his family as I have in the past. My son, his wife and our three grandchildren sold their South Carolina home in July, stored all their possessions in a POD, and took off across the country to explore the West as a possible future location.

There is a hole in my heart as a result. Do I want the best for them? Absolutely.  Do I want God’s will for them? Without question.  Will I miss them? Immeasurably.  

In learning seven ways to not only survive pandemic times, but thrive, #1 was Rely on God. 

#2 is Choose Positive Grief. What does that really mean? For so many of us the Pandemic has brought change and with that change, a sense of loss…and with that sense of loss, grief.  We grieve at the loss of the routines of our previous life. We grieve at the loss of the freedom to spend time with friends. We grieve at the loss of hugs, kisses, and closeness with those we love.

Change is hard. When tough times come we need to give ourselves permission to process the change and grieve the loss. But the blessing is that change, loss, and even grief can produce positive outcomes.  We can choose positive grief.  

In an article on “Healthy Grieving” from the Counseling Center of the University of Washington we read, “Grieving such losses is important because it allows us to ‘free-up’ energy that is bound to the lost person, object, or experience—so that we might re-invest that energy elsewhere. Until we grieve effectively we are likely to find reinvesting difficult; a part of us remains tied to the past.”

“Grieving is not forgetting. Nor is it drowning in tears. Healthy grieving results in an ability to remember the importance of our loss—but with a newfound sense of peace, rather than searing pain.”

What are other positive elements of grief? Here are some of them:

1. Grief offers new perspective. With each loss there is a re-evaluation helping us determine if we are doing the best with what remains. We may have lost this thing but what have we retained? Is what remains valuable? Or are there more important ways to spend our time and emotional capital? As we re-evaluate our use of time and energy we can make more effective future decisions.
2. Grief causes us to be more grateful. With loss, we are even more grateful for all the blessings we have been given. Though losing close proximity to my children, I am grateful for the closeness and companionship of my husband. I am grateful for work and ministry to continue, a home to enjoy, and friends to appreciate.
3. Grief Motivates Us. The sense of loss and resulting grief help us put life in perspective. Life is short. We need to do today the things we’ve allocated for “someday.”  Grief can be the motivation that propels us to explore and make sure we live life to the fullest. We learn how to give our losses to God, trusting Him to show us how to replace loss with the new activities, hobbies, and experiences He desires.  I can’t wait to pull out my watercolor paints and paper and begin painting again! 

G. Richard Smith, psychiatrist, writes, “Some positive outcomes of grief can include making healthy lifestyle changes, letting go of frivolous things, and creating new relationships.” At the same time, grief must be limited in its continuance so as not to be paralyzing.

My mother had a simple process she taught my brother and myself as children.  When smaller, difficult things happened like a failing grade, lost friendship, or unfair treatment, she encouraged us to take one full day to feel grieve. She would say, “Everybody deserves a bad day every once in a while. You are allowed a “pity party,” to feel sorry for yourselves and feel disappointment. But tomorrow morning it’s time to get up and start again.” With each loss we grew stronger and learned that grief is allowed only a limited time period. Soon we must stand up and move on with the business of “doing life.”

And we soon learned that after the prescribed “pity party,” it was time to choose to focus on the positive side of life. Another phrase she often recited was, “Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone.” She taught us that if you put a smile on your face, before you know it, you feel better. Try it. It works. (This, of course, is not the solution for major losses in life but paves the way for understanding there are boundaries to grief. Getting “stuck” in grief has serious consequences.) (Eccles. 3)

Next week we’ll explore #3. Assess Your Situation. As we work to thrive, not just survive!