Healthy Hacks for Relationships #2 – Demonstrating Love
What makes you feel loved? Is this what makes others feel loved? Maybe not.
Many years ago, I was introduced to a classic and best-selling book, “The Five Love Languages.” It took me a long time to read it because it seemed impossible to describe the way people receive love in only five distinct ways.
Well, they may not be the only ways people receive love, but the analogy has certainly impacted the lives of millions…and it sure proves to be true in my family. What are the five ways an individual receives love?
- Words of affirmation– Do words of appreciation make your heart sing? Mark Twain once said, “I can live two months on a good compliment.” Or maybe words of encouragement or kindness touch your heart like nothing else. This may be your heart’s “love language.” For you, words of affirmation express love more than anything else.
- Quality Time– Nothing more deeply touches my heart, that Reen or my children can give me, than spending time together. The best gift for me is a weekend getaway with Reen, a ZOOM call with my out-of-state kids, or lunch with a friend. Making memories during these special times is my “love language.” The keys to expressing this undistracted time with another are maintaining eye contact when talking, not doing something else (like looking at your phone), listening for feelings, watching body language, refusing to interrupt, and showing you genuinely care by offering your undivided attention.
- Receiving Gifts– Reen’s primary “love language” is gifts. If I find even the smallest thoughtful thing that he needs, wants, or cares about, I have given him a priceless treasure. I love picking up little things that I know will delight him when given. Does someone you care about need a gift today?
- Acts of Service– You can discover someone’s love language through the test offered in the “The Five Love Languages” page at www.yourrefreshedlife.com or by simply observing how another shows you love. For example, my Dad loved to do acts of service. Did my Mom need the car worked on, something picked up at the grocery store, or a home repair, then my Dad couldn’t wait to get the job done! The best way to display love to him was to wash his car, mow the lawn, or shovel the snow. Often a person demonstrates their love language by offering it to another. Acts of service were actually his love language.
- Physical Touch– Holding hands, a warm embrace, a pat on the shoulder, a foot rub are all the excellent ways to show love to someone who receives love through physical touch. All the words in the world will not communicate love more than these simple actions.
And that’s the amazing part…demonstrating love in a language that is not received by the person you are attempting to love, fails if it is not their love language.
So while your wife may appreciate you washing the dishes every night, she will not feel truly loved if her love language is words of affirmation. You constantly encourage your friend with words of appreciation and praise. Your friend knows you care about him or her, but will not feel loved if acts of service is his or her love language. Bringing home flowers and candy at Valentines Day is nice, but means nothing if your wife’s love language is time and you’ve been too busy to spend time with her.
So as we work together to better appreciate and demonstrate love in the relationships we want to honor this year, let’s learn the love language of our loved ones and express love in the way they can receive it!
