Three Keys to Navigating Difficult Relationships
Navigating relationships in a healthy way can be tough these days. In the last few weeks, I talked with one woman who found out her unmarried college daughter is pregnant. She only learned of it when she received an invitation to the “gender reveal” party.
Another grandmother struggles because while living in her daughter’s home due to a fall, she discovers her grandson has no job, stays home all day sleeping until noon and plays video games all night without any motivation to do otherwise.
And a third friend’s son is a workaholic paying little attention to his pregnant wife’s upcoming birth because he’s too busy.
How do we respond to difficult family relationships or those within the Body of Christ? We could discuss ways to apply the very helpful tool for today’s relationships called “Boundaries” (check out the book by Townsend and Cloud entitled, “Boundaries”.) We could discuss the value of counseling and therapy for more serious issues and concerns (check out “The Dance of Connection” by Harriet Lerner, PhD.) I highly recommend the books by both authors.
But today I have three instructions the Bible provides to guide us in every relationship. These are:
- Accept One Another- What does that really mean? Paul writes, “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” (Romans 15:7) As I age, I am all the more humbled at the realization that I am not perfect. I often fall short of God’s best for me and Jesus still loves and accepts me just as I am. Maybe I need to be a little more patient and empathetic with others realizing no one is perfect but Jesus.
- Show forbearance- “Forbearance” seems like an antiquated word. It is defined as “patient self-control, restrained tolerance.” Patience, self-control, and restraint. Paul encourages us to “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, (show forbearance) bearing with one another in love.” (Ephesians 4:2) It’s not easy is it when we are confronted with the scenarios described above? But the truth is that responding with anger, rejection, or contempt accomplishes nothing. Love is the only bridge that enables us to establish a relationship providing the opportunity to offer welcomed advice and counsel in the future. “Love covers a multitude of sins” ( I Peter 4:8).
- Don’t judge. Now that’s really a tough one, particularly in the church. I was raised in a very judgmental, hyper-critical church environment where judgement was considered “defending the faith” against the sins of the world. As a friend used to say, “ I am a recovering Pharisee.” Sadly, a judgmental attitude sets us up as better than another and one who feels he or she has the right to sit in judgement over another. This certainly doesn’t communicate God’s love but instead creates an obstacle to a person’s growing faith. Paul tells us clearly, “Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.”(Romans 14:13)
Jennie Allen in her book, “Made for This” writes, “We are embarrassing cynical, and we shoot down leaders for sport, so no wonder we’re all afraid to lead! Let’s help one another fight our fears rather than taking one another down. We must focus our races and cheer others toward theirs.
If we could cheer for one another instead of criticize, obey instead of compare, and fear God instead of men, we would watch God just flat show off in front of us. We need one another...”
So, I am cheering you on this month, my friend! If you are reading this you are part of the Your Refreshed Life (YRL) family and I pray for you and pray God will use you mightily exactly where He has placed you to cheer others on around you. In a world torn by hate, violence, and darkness, shine the light and love of Jesus! And, take a moment to tell us all what God is doing as a result. I’ll share it with the whole YRL family!
Blessings!
Linda
